This blog has mostly been about my journey through pregnancy and motherhood – mostly the joys (and not so joyous) events that occur surrounding Caleb. This is my first brutally honest post about what is happening for me right now.
Many of you know I am a working mom. During my non-Caleb hours I work as an Infant Development Consultant from 9am-4:45pm. Surrounding these hours I drop Caleb off and pick him up, and 3 or four times a week I also drop off and pick up Adam. It makes for a long day. I am also enrolled in two University courses right now. When I finish these I will have completed my diploma in Special Education from UBC. It is a lot of work and a lot of money. I have also set out a personal goal to get back into shape and take care of myself again. This means I’m running three times a week (or at least trying to), as well as other forms of exercise and eating right – which entitles lots of meal prep. One top of that I try to get the house cleaned up – that I’m not doing to welll in. Lately I have been feeling like I’m about to crack. With everything going on, it leaves little down time.Â
The pressure is also on us to have another child. Everyone’s favorite question is about when Caleb will be a big brother. I want this more than anything. So badly I want to be able to give Caleb a playmate, someone he can share with, learn from and teach. Someone I can love as much as I love my little boy. Watching half the people I know get pregnant right now, is tough on me. Emotionally we are ready. We know now that Caleb is ready. Financially we aren’t even close. This is something we discuss and debate and fight about, alot. In order for us to have another child and still enjoy our lifestyle we need to save money for when I am on maternity leave. This was much easier in our condo.
I have been toying for years with starting my own photography business, and announcement business… those of you who have gotten a Caleb birthday invite, Christmas card, Valentine card or Easter card should know what I am talking about. I know starting this business would be hard, and time consuming, but would also allow us some of the finacial freedom for me to take a year off on materity. But with everything else that is happening in my life, I realize this just isn’t a possibility at this time.
So for now, something’s gotta give… and that something is my dream of having a big family. Right now we can’t do it.
This house has cost us a lot. Not only the amount of mortgage we have to pay, but the extra gas, the extra bills, the extra everything. We just can afford it.
So for now Caleb is going to remain an only child, and I have to slowly shove things off my full plate.
This also means that the blog will be neglected for a while. I don’t have the time to put the effort I want into this website.
Thank you to everyone who has read and commented. I’d really love to hear some comments and feedback on this post. (I know we aren’t AmandaandBrett popular… but it would still be nice to see comments that people do care).
And can I please request that people stop asking me about another baby for now. It is a raw and emotional hurt that I am having trouble dealing with.
Maybe one day….
But today something is gotta give…
Ally
PS – If you want to see some of my photography you can go to: www.creativeellusions.shutterfly.com or www.squishyprints.blogspot.com
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Hey Ally,
Let me know if i can help with anything at all….. I would love another Caleb sleep-over!!!
I don’t work Monday and Tuesday – so I can always take him on sunday & monday night!!! I work most nights except friday nights, so let me know if you need a babysitter!!
Love you! Thinking of you…
Motherhood is the most selfless act. Your such a great Mom and you show Caleb how much you love him in everything you do… dont ever feel like you owe anyone an explaination on the decision you make for your family.
Time will help all the parts fall into place. Just give that precious little boy a hug and enjoy each day as it comes. =)
Hi Ally,
I can remember feeling overwhelmed with 4 small children, never asking for help but wishing it was offered. So please when you ever need downtime for yourself (mine was reading late into the night, and it was a me only time) call me and I will babysit or come do some housework so you can go out. Please call.
xox,
Auntie Kim
P.S. I will miss your blog entries.
Though I don’t comment on every post, I do read and appreciate all of them. Ally, you’re like Martha Stewart… minus the thousands of assistants and… you know, the evil.
Hey, Ally! I’m sorry to hear that things are so stressful. I think you are doing the right thing to take a step back and catch your breath, so to speak. I see that some people have offered to help. Take it. You’re doing the hardest job in the world. I know that one day your dreams will come true so just hang in there. I have loved coming here to read up on Caleb so I will miss that but understand why you are not going to be posting. (((hugs))) Amber
Many hugs to you, Ally. It’s so hard when you feel like you are going to crack. You are doing an amazing job and know one day, all your hard work will be worth it. Take the help people are offering and know everyday is a day closer…
Miss you tons.
Big hugs, Ally. You are so loved and appreciated. Please know that.
You know that if you ever want some only child love, you’ve got me. 🙂 YOU are the only person who can make a decision about whether to have another kiddo. Don’t let yourself think otherwise. OK? I am here if you want to listen to all the bonuses about onlies. 🙂
We love you, Ally. Take time for yourself!
Ally……it makes me so sad to see you this way, but please know that I will always be there to support you.
I’ve watch you grow up since you were a babe and I am so proud of you and all that you have achieved so far in your life.
You are such an amazing person! A mom, a wife, a student and a career woman. I don’t know anyone else that could perfect all these four things the way that you do. Be proud of that!
Be patient and let the things that were meant to be, come in due course……
Take the time that people are offering you……
I can give you a gift of time….let me know which day you want me to come out so that you can have some time to yourself. I can also come up and go for a run with you…….I’ll do whatever, just let me know.
Love and kisses……….from your Aunt that has a problem knowing where pencils come from (there, I know I made you smile!)
Sending you lots of hugs, Ally. It is good you are taking stock and figuring out how to reduce the stress in your life. I know you are a wonderful wife, mother, and friend. Take good care of yourself and remember to ask for support and help. Thinking of you….
Ally, I know how hard it is to be a working mom, who’s trying to take the best care of your family while also pursuing outside interests/desires. Vic and I are being pressured to have another child, too, but only you know when the time is right. It is good that you are giving yourself the freedom to figure things out. Please know that we love and appreciate you. You are in my thoughts – if ever you need to talk, please reach out.
Hey Ally,
I’m sorry to hear that you are under so much pressure. If Amanda or I had any part to this we really want to apologize. I know that we were saying that we needed a flower girl for the wedding, but we didnt think it would lead to this kind of pressure. If theres more babysitting that we can do when we get back than of course we are always up to it. Trust me! Also we love our little sleep overs with the little man, so feel free to drop him off anytime, or we can even come up there if that works out better. Please just let us know what we can do to make things better for you and Adam.
Love always,
Amanda and Brett
PS please please please let us know what we can do. We really want to help! We hope to talk to you soon!
Ally, you know I am only a phone call away, you can call me any time you wish 24/7. There are only 2 places I am at, work or home. I know what it is like to be a busy working mom and to have no money or time for yourself. Maybe I didn’t comment cause i went through it for years, but you know me I keep everything inside. I wish I could be there for you like when you were a little girl, hold you, kiss all your problems away, I wish I had money to help you out, if I got the money from you know who I would be able too. There is still a lot of anger about that situation, and I felt very alone when that was happening and in some ways still do. Anyways I love you very much and you know that, you were my first baby and we had each other for 6 years before your brother and sisters came along. I will always cherish that time together. Believe me when I say things will get easier. You have a lot on your plate, take things one day at a time – when you are ready to have another baby, you will know when the time is right. You have an open invitation for babysitting.
Love, hugs, kisses Mom
Hi Ally and Adam,
I enjoyed babysitting Caleb very much, he’s such a good little boy! Call me again anytime soon.
Love,
Auntie Kim
Ally – as I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, it is soley out of empathy. I fully understand what it means to be busy. Being a working mom and going to school has fully put my abilities to the test, and it sounds to me like you are experiencing similar feelings. It is a very tough decision to decide to have another baby. Timing is everything, although, sometimes it feels like the timing will never be right. I know that you and Adam will find a way because there definately is a will 🙂 Just know I am always here if you need a friend…
Ally! I am so sorry that life is so hard on you right now. That money stuff is tricky, but good for you for knowing your limits there. I hope something gives and you can find a little bit of relief time and money-wise.
Love and hugs,
Eve